Mid-Week Motivation for the Caregiver….Quote #1

It’s mid-week and everyone needs an emotional boost….especially caregivers.  An inspirational quote can provide the encouragement needed to complete a stressful week.  When feeling doubtful, know your devotion is appreciated.

Caregiving often calls us to lean into love we didn’t know possible.” — Tia Walker, author


Please share!  It may give motivational incentive to an unhopeful caregiver.  Thank you!    

Why do I feel guilty….caregiver guilt?

You became a caregiver to give your loved-one unconditional love, support, and quality care within the comforts of home.  Your daily devotion enables them to live a more meaningful, joyful life.  You absorb ALL of the stress from the current complex situation.  The mental and physical exhaustion is depleting your own health, but you still smile.  Socializing is limited, but isolation is in surplus.  Why do caregivers expose themselves to such a stressful, unpredictable environment?  We care about the welfare of others and believe our participation in their lives will create nurturing relationships.  We give hope to an otherwise hopeless situation.  Providing an ailing loved-one with a fulfilled life is rewarding, but do we care too much?  Is there such a thing as caring too much?

We caregivers have very nurturing, caring, independent mentalities.  These mind-sets wreak havoc on our health and create unsatisfactory care environments.  Caregiving is mentally and physically draining. Most of us have suffered from caregiver stress and burnout.  It’s an emotional roller-coaster!  What emotions surface while caregiving?  Anger, sorrow, happiness, love, fear, and surprise are just a few emotions encountered by caregivers. The most mentally exhausting emotion during my caregiving journey was guilt.  I was devoting my life to the happiness and well-being of a loved-one.  Why did I feel guilty?

After her second stroke, my grandmother received all nutrition and hydration through a feeding tube.  She couldn’t eat or drink by mouth, only via peg-tube.  How could I possibly eat anything in front of this wonderful lady?  I felt guilty eating because she wasn’t able to indulge in the foods she once found so delicious.  I ate many meals at the kitchen counter, in a location not visible to her baby blue eyes.

My grandmother was left bed-bound after suffering two strokes between the ages of 73-78.  She was unable to eat, stand, or complete any daily tasks. She was completely dependent on me….for EVERYTHING.  This once independent woman was now dependent on an 18 year old!  The irony, in previous years I was her dependent!  Again, guilt surfaces and shows its ugly face.  My mind is overwhelmed with WHY, WHY, WHY?

  • Why did this healthy woman have multiple strokes? 
  • Why is this master of culinary arts unable to eat the food she loves?
  • Why did this kind, sweet, and giving lady get such a “raw deal” in life?

I felt guilty because I was healthy.

Heart failure ended my grandmother’s life.  As a caregiver for an elderly loved-one, I knew my responsibilities would end, but not exactly when or how.  It’s frightening trying to be prepared for the unexpected.  When she passed I was overwhelmed with guilt. Again, my mind was flooded with questions. 

  • What did I do wrong?  She was fine last night when I put her into bed.
  • Could I have prevented this?
  • Maybe I should have done this instead of that?
  • Did I overlook some detail that caused this?
  • Did my grandmom die because of something I did or missed?

Caregiver guilt exists during and after caregiving.  Because of faithful devotion to helping others, we caregivers create an unhealthy emotional environment for ourselves.  We can’t accept certain terms and outcomes.  Our mind is geared for success not failure.  Please share this post to prepare other caregivers for their emotional but rewarding journey.  Thank you and good luck! 

Recovering from Burnout while still Caregiving

You’ve noticed a change in your mood and temperament.  Your bright spirit is dim.  Avoiding social interaction has become part of your daily routine.  Happiness no longer compliments your face.  You feel lonely and secluded, almost depressed.  Caregiving duties are still being completed but not with the same vigor and enthusiasm.  Your fast-thinking logic has been replaced with slow what-if’sSound familiar?  Most caregivers can identify and empathize with these feelings.  These mixed emotions are warning signs of caregiver stress.  Ignoring these symptoms will result in caregiver burnout.  Trust me, I know.  Yes, there are ways you can prevent caregiver stress, but how can a caregiver recover from burnout while still providing care?

You’re overwhelmed, stressed, and on the verge of throwing in the towel.  I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE!  But walking out the door is not an option; you must continue the daily care regimen.  The patient’s well-being is dependent on you.  Once you begin manifesting thoughts of defeat, you’ve entered the caregiver burnout phase.  Burnout will cause a decline in your mental and physical health.  This decline will result in subpar care for your loved-one.  It’s the “trickle-down” effect and it begins with you.

You’ve diagnosed yourself with caregiver burnout.  How can you reverse its effects and still provide quality care?  You can’t do it on your own.  If you’re suffering from burnout, you must voice your thoughts and opinions to family members, friends, or the attending physician.  Reaching out is not admitting defeat.  You’re recognizing the need for third party help in order to successfully care for your patient. 

Instate a dependable support group to help with caregiving duties.  Recovery involves alleviating some of the daily stress that contributed to your mental and physical burnout.  Discuss ways they can help YOU cope with caregiver stress.  Don’t be shy!  Designate daily caregiving duties to dependable family members and friends.  Don’t know where to start when assigning caregiving responsibilities?  Read, How to Help a Caregiver.

Reaching the burnout phase takes time….it doesn’t happen overnight.  It sneaks up on you.  It’s difficult to recognize the symptoms of caregiver stress because your engaged and focused on providing quality care for your loved-one.  Ideally, a caregiver would never suffer from stress or burnout.  However, it’s part of caregiving’s brutal reality.  Trying to combat mental and physical exhaustion while still maintaining a stable environment is extremely difficult without proper support.  Being overwhelmed results in the deterioration of quality care.  

The most effective strategy for recovering from caregiver burnout while still caregiving is ASK FOR HELP.  Without help the everyday stress of your monotonous daily routine will continue to wreak havoc on your own health, creating a less-than satisfactory caregiving environment.  Ultimately you want the best possible care for your loved-one.  Allow them good quality care by taking the initiative to engage others in your caregiver duties.  Reaching out will bring success to your burnout recovery and allow you to continue your caregiving journey.  Did you find this post helpful?  Let me know by leaving a comment.  Feel free to share this post with anyone who could benefit from the information.  Thank you for reading and stay well!  

          

Holiday Gifts for that Special Senior in Your Life

Finding a perfect holiday gift can be mind-boggling, especially when the gift is for an elder.  What do you buy your aging parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles?  While caregiving, I did A LOT of successful and unsuccessful holiday shopping for my grandmother.  These are my TOP 10 gift suggestions for your elderly loved-ones this holiday season.

  1. Framed Family Photo/Digital Photo Frame
  2. Favorite Record Album
  3. Heated Throw Blanket
  4. Monogrammed Pajamas
  5. His/Her Slippers
  6. Pillow Massager
  7. Digital Reader
  8. Robot Vacuum
  9. No-Install Grab Bar
  10. YOUR TIME

The elderly, like everyone, enjoy being noticed and appreciated.  The greatest gift of all is devoting a few spare minutes to that special senior in your life.  Let them know they’re not forgotten.  A visit and chat is cherished more than an expensive gift.  Take time to express your appreciation this holiday season.  What are your favorite holiday gifts for aging loved-ones?  Let me know by leaving a comment!  Thank you and happy shopping! 

How to Help a Caregiver

We caregivers are experts at keeping a “happy” face, even when times lack happiness and joy.  Our constant smiles and understanding give the impression everything’s always OK.  True feelings are pushed aside for the benefit of the patient.  We never ask for help because caregiving duties are solely our responsibility.  However, there are times when we need help, but don’t voice our feelings.

When asked if he/she needs help, a caregiver will often respond, “No thank you.  I have everything under control.  I appreciate the offer.”  How can you help a caregiver that refuses assistance?  Try indirect help.  Provide items or services that make their caregiving duties easier.

  1. Provide encouragement in the form of a card or casual conversation.  Show appreciation for their devotion.
  2. Caregiving is costly especially when living on a limited income.  Provide a gift card that can be used for everyday expenses.
  3. Most caregivers have very limited time for errands.  Volunteer to grocery shop or pick up medications.
  4. Balancing family and caregiving is difficult.  Offer free childcare services to the caregiver.

Directly assisting a caregiver in their own environment can be difficult.  Most have a set daily schedule.  Any deviation from this schedule can cause unwanted stress.  How can you directly help a caregiver without interfering with their daily schedule?  

  1. Prepare meals for both the patient and caregiver.  Deliver meals a few times per week.  When preparing meals abide by proper diet restrictions.
  2. Depending on the patient’s medical condition, homecare can involve massive amounts of laundry daily.  Volunteer to pick up and drop off laundry during the week.
  3. Offer transportation for medical appointments.  “Free” hours allow the caregiver to take a break and catch up with daily tasks.
  4. Provide RESPITE CARE.  Allowing the caregiver a short-term break from their daily monotonous schedule is beneficial.  The caregiver is able to enjoy activities outside of their duties, enabling them to de-stress and recharge.  A healthy caregiver can consistently provide quality care to the patient.

Caregivers can be stubborn.  This stubbornness will eventually lead to stress and burnout.  As a third-party, you can indirectly and directly assist the caregiving process by providing your time and services.  Don’t take “NO” for an answer.  Work behind-the-scenes and provide deserved support.  Thank you and good luck!

Respite care? Yes, please!

Whether you chose to be a caregiver or caregiving chose you, you’re now responsible for the well-being of another individual.  Physical, mental, medical, and financial responsibilities are included in daily caregiving.  One must assess both physical and mental states and address their effect on the patient’s health.  Medications must be altered and administered per the request of the attending physician.  Monthly bills and long-term finances must be managed in order to compile sufficient funds for care.  These are just SOME of the daily responsibilities encountered by caregivers.  The unpredictability of caring for an ailing loved-one causes a stress-filled environment.  Combining ongoing responsibilities with unpredictable daily outcomes leads to caregiver stress and eventual burnoutHow can you avoid this stress?  Two words….RESPITE CARE.

Respite care is a short-term break for caregivers.  It allows time to de-stress and recharge.  You’re able to go shopping, take a nap, grab lunch, go on a mini vacation, or catch a movie at the local theatre.  It’s easy to forget yourself when caring for a loved-one.  Caregivers can’t become overwhelmed by their full-time duties.  Respite care helps release any physical or mental tension that has accumulated while caregiving.  These small breaks enable you to return refreshed and more focused.

It’s important to have a stable support system while caregiving.  Ideally, respite care would be provided daily.  However, finding willing relatives with similar schedules can be difficult.  Finding a trustworthy homecare agency is equally difficult.  Trying to coordinate family schedules and locating GOOD care is stressful.  Caregivers become deterred and opt for no support system.  I was this caregiver.  Taking full responsibility for an ailing loved-one and refusing breaks is a recipe for disaster.  You’ll become overwhelmed and eventually suffer from burnout.  Learn from my mistakes.

Choosing to become a caregiver is a noble decision.  But sometimes we don’t have a choice and caregiving chooses us.  Whatever the circumstances, try to instate a reliable support system.  Voice your opinions to your family and describe the importance of respite care.  If you don’t mention it, who will?  As a caregiver, we take complete responsibility for our patient and forget OUR daily needs.  If trustworthy friends and relatives offer you a break, TAKE IT!  De-stress and recharge so you can successfully care for your loved-one.

Let me know how your caregiving journey is progressing by leaving a comment.  As always, thank you for reading and take care!